You have 0 items in your cart
My work over the last couple of years has taken this long, meandering detour through self portraiture. It has been a journey inwards, to reflect, discover and to get to know myself as a creative, more so than it has been about anything externally.
The deeper we know ourselves, the greater the depth we can bring to our work and the greater the chances that our audience can resonate on that deeper level as well. It is why I believe artists are facilitators of change and healing.
When I first began down this self portrait path, I was surprised how resistant I was. Not just to be in front of the camera, but to be kind to myself as I looked through the images. In all honesty, the self talk was monstrous. But it was fascinating too, because I had no idea that I had these deeply ingrained ideas and beliefs about myself. Now, I can’t say this is everyone’s experience with self portraiture, but I do know, in this age of the selfie, that a lot of people are spending a lot of time retaking shots to get one that they feel comfortable sharing. What we aren’t doing, is looking deeper, beyond the superficial “I don’t like how I look” comment and really getting to the root of what’s making us uncomfortable.
If I am being honest (and transparent, and vulnerable…Ugh…) I can tell you that my negative self talk focussed on aging. And I discovered that what I really was desperate to see was my younger self. And to be even more accurate, a perfect version of my younger self. One that has never existed. This floored me.
On the surface, and even a few levels down, I felt like I was really at peace with my body and aging. I didn’t think I suffered with these beliefs. I thought I had somehow done enough of my personal work that I was one of those lucky few who was just going to coast into middle age thinking “I love my wise and beautiful body!”
This experience showed me that we have sneaky, stealthy rogue thoughts that absolutely delight in stealing joy and potential memories and experiences from us if we don’t search them out, call them out, and kick them out. They influence our sense of worth, and value and are detrimental to our overall wellbeing and experience of life.
Healing starts when a person realizes something is amiss and decides to do something about it. All this from a photo, hey?
I continue to practise my self portrait work, I continue to deal with rogue thoughts, and I also continue to grow into a deeper love and respect for my wise and beautiful body. Experience leaves a mark. And I am determined to celebrate that.
